Yeah, That Sounds Like Me
by smalld1171
Summary: Short drabbles about Dean and his self induced, injury prone existence.  Just a little fun.  I hope you enjoy. Starts with 'Concussion', will add more chapters if anyone is interested. Thanks.
1. Chapter 1

**Just having a little fun. May add another chapter or two if any are interested. I of course do not own SPN but that would be nice. Thanks for tuning in and I hope any who read will enjoy. :)**

**Injury #1 - Concussion**

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"How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Oh My God! None! I don't see any fingers! S'my, what happened to them? Where'd they go?"

"You need to open your eyes first Dean."

"Oh. Okay. Umm... let's see. well, that's weird."

"What?"

"How come I never noticed before?"

"Dean, how many fingers dude?"

"Um.. 8.. on one hand? COOL! Wait. no.. 6.. yeah, 6."

"Ohhhh kay. Look at me."

"Sure."

"Dean?"

"Yeah...fingers..lots and lots of fingers."

"No Dean, look at me."

"Sure."

"Can you see me?"

"Huh."

"Dean, still me me bro?"

"Yeah, with you... and you... and you... how are you doing that?"

"It's not me man, it's you."

"Me? No, there are definitely a whole lotta you's going on."

"Listen to me."

"Hey, there's a song like that right? Whole Lotta Sammy's Going On?"

"Dean."

"You're famous dude! Someone wrote a song about you."

"Listen to me."

"Sure."

"Dean."

"Which one?"

"Which one what?"

"Which one of you should I listen to?"

(Sigh)

"Dean, you hit your head."

"Really? Me? Well, that doesn't sound like something that would happen to me." (chuckle) "Are you sure?"

"Yup, pretty sure man."

"Maybe you hit _your _head?"

"Really?"

"Nope."

"You have a concussion."

"You are shittin' me!"

"Nope."

"Oh. Again?"

"Yeah."

"Ghost?"

"Yeah."

"Graveyard?"

"Yeah."

"Headstone?"

"Of course."

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

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**TBC?...**


	2. Chapter 2

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Hi everyone! I have been away for the last week so have not been able to update or send each of you a personal reply to all those wonderful reviews and comments. THANK YOU so much! I wasn't sure if anyone would like this so I am very pleasantly surprised. I hope this injury is just as enjoyable. :)

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Just a Scratch

"Take this, keep pressure on it."

"A towel?"

"Yeah."

"I don't need it."

"Dean, it's for your arm."

"My arm?"

"Yeah, to stop the bleeding."

"Bleeding?"

"Yeah, just keep it there, I'll be right back."

"Oh. Right. Yeah. Bleeding."

"Here, take these."

"What for?"

"For the pain."

"Sheesh Sammy, it's just a scratch. I don't need em."

"Dean."

"Yeah?"

"What colour is that towel?"

"Is this a trick question?"

"What colour?"

"Um, red."

"Right. Red. What colour was it before?"

"Before what?"

"Before."

"Um... red?"

"Nope, try again."

"Dark pink?"

"Nope."

"Okay, light pink."

"Oh brother."

"Yeah?"

"White, Dean."

"What?"

"The towel. It used to be white. And now it's red."

"Okay. And? Your point?"

"Try and follow along Dean. Red is the same colour as blood. The previously white towel is now red. In conclusion, the towel is now covered in blood. Your blood."

"Yeah, I get it. But just in case I really am as stupid as you seem to think I am, could you please draw me a fricken diagram to go along with your explanation? Or maybe a pie chart?"

"Take the damn pills Dean."

"Just a scratch Sammy, it's stopped now, no more towel-tainting fluids left to escape."

"Ugh!"

"You okay Sammy?"

"Yeah, I'm fine Dean, it's just.. well..having to breathe in your bullshit is starting to make my head ache."

"You should have a rest."

"No Dean. Here is what's gonna happen. You are going to take the pills and have a swig of whiskey. We will wait a couple of minutes for them to kick in. Then we need to flush out your scratch with holy water and then stitch it up. In that order!"

"Alright Samantha, don't want you to get your panties in a twist."

(swallow) (swig)

"There. Happy?"

"Ecstatic."

"Huh."

"What?"

"What?"

"How do you feel?"

"Awesome."

"Awesome I'm dripping with sarcasm or awesome I'm seriously stoned?"

"Awesome."

"Okay. I'm gonna grab the supplies."

"Why are you hugging me? I don't swing that way man."

"It was either that or letting you do a faceplant onto this less than sanitary carpet."

"Why?"

"Blood loss + whiskey + pain meds = wobbly, disorientated Dean."

"Huh."

"What?"

"You had me at blood loss."

"Sure man. Lean back against the wall."

"I'm good now. Actually, feel really great. Don't need stitches. Told ya Sammy, it's just a scratch, I'm..."

"You had better not complete that sentence with the word 'fine' dude." (glare)

"C'mon S'm, 'lil credit, was gonna say I'm...appreciative of all your efforts in this situation."

"Yup, just as I thought."

"What?"

"Loopy from blood loss and drugs."

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

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**Thanks for all of you who took the time to read... I truly appreciate all of your efforts. ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

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Hello to all ! And THANK YOU for your lovely support and overwhelming reviews for my comical view of things, I appreciate it muchly! Please, feel free to drop me a line of what you think of this latest installment. Thanks again and I hope you enjoy this latest blurb. :)

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Diner Woes

"Ugh, this sucks."

"What's going on with you Dean?"

"My gut... is trying to kill me."

"Are you gonna be..."

"Shit! Outta the way Sam!"

(knock, knock)

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"Fricken...peachy."

"Are you done?"

"Yeah. No. I dunno. Sucks."

"Let's get you off the floor man, you should lay down."

"Can't move."

"Yes you can, I'll help you."

"Just stay here, floor is good."

"You can't stay here bro, give me your hand."

"For crying out loud Sam, I'm not a kid, I can get up myself."

"Alright, suit yourself."

"I got it dude."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Sammy?"

"Yeah?"

"Feel like shit."

"I know dude, ready for some help now?"

"Yeah, can't move."

"Okay, up you go."

"This sucks."

"Yeah."

"Feel like I'm dying."

"You are not dying Dean."

"Are you sure? I feel like it."

"Maybe next time you'll listen to me."

"About what?"

"About the kind of shit you put into that big mouth of yours, that's what."

"What? You never said nothin'."

"Uh, yes I did."

"When?"

"Right before you put that highly suspect piece of crap in your mouth."

"Are you sure?"

"Yup, pretty sure. I think I said 'that doesn't look good Dean. Don't eat it.'"

"Huh, I don't remember that."

"Cuz you think with your stomach Dean, and it tends to get you into trouble."

"How was I supposed to know it was gonna try and kill me?"

"Maybe because of the greenish tinge around the edges?"

"You knew and you let me eat it anyway? That wasn't very brotherly of you Sammy."

"I DID tell you!"

"Well I didn't hear you!"

"That's the thing Dean. You NEVER hear me."

"You just gotta try harder."

"Not when it comes to food man, you have a one track mind."

"Yeah, this time, but..."

"No buts...I know you Dean."

"Yeah Sammy, but..."

"But...I will always be here for you bro, bucket in hand."

"I'll listen next time cuz this, right now, friggen sucks!."

"Yeah, I know it does bro. But we both know you will just keep eating whatever shit you want Dean, you just can't help yourself."

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

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**Thanks for taking a moment to read! If there are any situations you are dying to see written about in this format let me know and I will try and come up with something for them. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello again... Here is another short one for you to have a looksee at. It took about five minutes so I hope it doesn't disappoint. I just am in the mood for some fun and frivolity and this is one way to get my fix! Thanks for reading and I do absolutely love getting those reviews, please keep 'em coming! Thanks again! :)**

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**Pain in the Grass**

"Frick! Son of a bitch!"

"Dean?"

"Shit!"

"What happened? Are you oh..." (giggle) "kay?"

(laugh)

"Sam, shut up!"

"C'mon Dean, you have gotta admit, this, this is funny!"

"No, I ain't gotta admit shit!"

"Well, take it from me, this is definitely funny!"

"Sam..."

"This is hilarious?"

"Nope."

"Mildly amusing?"

"Nope."

"Yeah, it is. Sorry bro, but it really, really is!"

"Shut your piehole!"

"Huh, how about I call you Benny?"

"What the frick?"

"You know, Benny Hill, he got famous doing this kinda crap."

"Piss off."

"No, wait. I got it! Wile E. Coyote... Super Dufus."

"I think you mean Super Genius, bitch."

"No, I'm pretty sure this situation makes you a Super Dufus bro."

"Not funny dude."

"Actually it is. Totally, absolutely and supercalafragicalistically hilarious, jerk."

"Hey, a little help here, I have been wounded."

"Uh huh. Wounded? That's a first. You, admitting you are wounded? Wait, I need to write this shit down for future reference."

"You are really starting to piss me off Sam."

"Yeah, you are wounded alright. Right in your pride. I mean really, how embarrassing huh?"

"It snuck up on me..."

"Right. Came out of nowhere? Slithered through the grass and attacked you without provocation?"

"Exactly."

"Puhlease bro. You gotta do better than that."

"Sam... a little help, I have a headache."

"Yeah, I bet you do, that is gonna leave one hell of a nasty mark."

(giggle)

"Stop laughin' Sasquatch, it ain't fricken funny!"

"Right, sorry bro. My mis-_rake_."

"Sam..."

"I'll protect you, I won't let you get _'raked' _over."

"Enough Sam!"

"Sorry Dean, it is never, ever going to be enough."

"Just wait 'til it's your turn."

"Now that IS funny dude."

"What?"

"As if this would ever happen to me."

"Why not?"

"The odds, the percentage of this..." (giggle) "happening again..."

"Yeah?"

"I can't even calculate a number that infinitely small."

(sigh)

"Listen man, here's the score: Rake in the grass - 1; Dean - 0"

"Give it a rest Sammy."

"I'm just sayin' dude. The chances of anyone, well, anyone besides a cartoon character, walking through the grass, stepping on a rake and having it fly up and hit them in the face?"

"Yeah."

"Well that, dear brother, definitely has Dean Winchester luck written all over it."

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

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**Thanks all!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello again. Well, this one is kinda out there but I will blame it on lack of sleep and stress. Yeah, that works. At any rate, I hope you will be amused somewhat by this little tale. Thanks again for reading and sending those comments, they are wonderful to receive! :)**

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**Light 'er Up**

"Salt?"

"Check."

"Flammable Liquid?"

"Check."

"Okay, time to light this mother."

"Anytime bro."

"Shit."

"What?"

"Fricken lighter."

"What?"

"Outta juice."

"Dean, now would be a good time."

"You think?"

"It's coming Dean."

"I know! I know!"

"Hurry man."

"Stupid! Piece of shit! C'mon damn it!"

"Dean!"

"Sam?"

"Anytime Dean, she looks mighty pissed off!"

"Hey! Over here! You ugly son of a bitch!"

"Dean!"

"I'm the one you want. You undead piece of crap! That's it, come on over to the Dean side."

"Dean!"

"Huh, shit! What? That all you got? I can kick your ass with one hand behind my back!"

"Dean?"

"Okay, that one was a freebie. Oompf, okay and that was a lucky shot, but I won't be so nice next time bitch!"

"Dean!"

"Where'd you go? C'mon, I'm not through with you yet. Leave Sam alone!"

"Dean?"

"Mmm..."

"DEAN!"

"Christ Sam, not deaf dude!"

"Sorry. You okay?"

"Yeah, sure. What happened?"

"Um, lighter malfunction?"

"Right. Piece of shit. Worthless, no good for nothing, unreliable..."

"Calm down Dean, it's all good."

"Huh, where's ghost?"

"Gone."

"Oh, good. How?"

"I lit her up while you were busy distracting her in your usual manner." (giggle)

"That's good, I was trying to go easy on her, she did have glasses you know."

"Uh huh, right."

"How'd you do it?"

"Lighter."

"You had a lighter? You're holding out on me bro. Why didn't you say something?"

"Well, I used your lighter dude."

"But..."

"You must have made it mad."

"What?"

"It worked fine for me but you were not very nice to it."

"Are you sure you're okay Sam? Lighter's don't have feelings."

"Well, I agree with you there, at least I did."

"What? You're not making any sense Sam."

"Well, all I know is that it worked fine for me on the first try."

"You had a horseshoe up your ass dude, nothing more than that."

"Maybe. But, if I didn't know better, I'd say you even managed to piss your lighter off and it decided to make you pay."

"Huh."

"What?"

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

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**Thanks for reading! Until next time... :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Good Saturday Morning everyone! Here is another drabble, I can't seem to stop them from escaping my brain! I hope that you get maybe at least a little chuckle from them. Reviews and comments are fantastic so make sure and send them along if you are so inclined. Thanks for taking the time to read! :-)**

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**Pouring It On**

"What is that shit? It stings!"

"I know man but it will help."

"This is so fricken typical."

"Okay, ointment is on, I'll just wrap it up and then you can relax."

"Thanks. Sammy?"

"Yeah Dean?"

"This was absolutely NOT my fault!"

"I know."

"She started it."

"Yup."

"Damn right."

"But..."

"What?"

"Maybe you should learn to turn down the charm."

"No can do! She was really into me man and when that happens I can't turn it down! It's set to maximum, 24 7 dude. All Dean, all the time."

"Yeah, whatever bro."

"She just couldn't handle it."

"Sure Dean."

"That's like asking the sun not to rise..."

"Uh huh."

"Or the rain not to fall..."

"Uh huh."

"Or the wind not to blow."

"Well, the hot air is blowing pretty good right now Dean."

"Don't be jealous Sammy, it is what it is. I can't help it."

"Uh huh, modest much?"

"All I'm saying is you can't mess with nature."

"That's rich."

"What?"

"You? Not mess with nature? Dude, you do it all the time!"

"This is different Sam. This is pure, animal magnetism. And I got it!"

"Well, you can have it, I can do without third degree burns thank you very much."

"Yeah, I guess, but not everyone has that kinda power Sammy."

"Screaming like a little girl power?"

"Hardy har har. We'll see what you sound like when you get scalding coffee poured on you!"

"Uh, no we won't."

"Come again?"

"Cuz you're right Dean. I do not have the ability to hypnotize women with a mere glance. I can't make them swoon, make them forget everything."

"See, you admit it!"

"Yup, I do. It takes a special kinda someone to make people forget that they are pouring hot, burning, blister inducing liquid. That they should pour it into a proper receptacle and not on my hands... "

"Okay, that's enough Sammy."

"Dean, you are the only person on the planet that has to receive medical attention as a result of stopping at the local diner for a cup of coffee. You do have a gift big brother."

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

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**Thanks for reading! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Me again! Man, I just can't stop! I hope you will enjoy. Please, drop me a line to let me know what you think, it would make my day! No pressure though ;) Later!**

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"Sit here, have a drink, I'll find it."

"Hurry Sam."

"Yeah, I know."

(chug) (chug)

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

(chug)

"You may want to slow down on the booze dude."

"Um..."

"Dean? What's wrong?"

"Do you hear that?"

"What?"

"Scratching Sam. Lots and lots of scratching."

"I don't hear anything man."

"Really? It is so fricken loud."

"It's not real, try to ignore it."

"It sure as hell sounds real to me dude."

"It's all in your head bro."

"So what, I'm hearing things? Going nuts?"

"At the moment? Definitely."

"Nice."

(chug)

"You asked."

"Yeah, but, not even one sprinkle of sugar to coat your cruel, brutal honesty Sam?"

"Kinda busy over here tryin' to save your ass Dean."

"Yeah, but seriously, you don't hear that?"

"Still busy over here."

"So sorry dude. You are busy. It's okay, I'll just sit still, be quiet, and go slowly insane."

"That's a good boy."

"Sam..."

"You are not helping."

"Sam..."

"Dean. You see something?"

"Um...No, no I don't."

"Yes you do."

"Why do you say that?"

"Cuz your eyes only bug out like that for two reasons."

"Yeah?"

"One... Busty Asian Beauties..."

"Mmmm... oh yeah."

"And reason number two. Rats."

(shiver) (chug)

"Right. Rats. I hate fricken rats."

"What are you pointing at bro?"

"That! Over there!"

"What?"

"Look out Sam! They're... they're..."

"Dean, chill, there is nothing there!"

"They're crawling...all over you dude! Do something!"

"It's not real Dean!"

"The walls, the floor, the ceiling, crawling with them... Sam, save yourself! Get outta here! They! They're gonna kill you!"

"Shit Dean! What the hell! Quit punching me and sit your crazy ass down!"

"Can't! They are everywhere! Get the frick off of Sam! And off of me! You plague carrying sons of bitches!"

"Dean! Stop! You are gonna hurt yourself!"

"Ugh! Filthy! Fricken! Stop! Leave me alone!"

"DEAN! I FOUND IT!"

(poof)

"You okay Sammy? Did they get you?"

"I'm fine Dean, there weren't any rats remember?"

"But I saw them Sam, they, they were every-freakin-where!"

(chug)

"How'd you kill 'em?"

"Listen to me Dean."

"Okay."

"Do you remember talking with that woman today?"

"Kinda."

"Well, you were more like goading her, telling her you were gonna kill her and spit on her ashes?"

"Oh yeah." (giggle) "She didn't like that much."

"Right. So, what do women like that do when you piss them off and threaten them with certain death?"

"Um... Oh right. Curse you?"

"Ding! Ding! You are correct!"

"Right. She was a witch wasn't she?"

"Yup, and you just can't stop yourself, you have this bizarre need to egg them on, almost like you want them to cast some voodoo shit on your ass."

"C'mon Sammy, I hate fricken witches!"

"I dunno man. It's like you walk around with a big bulls-eye on your forehead that says 'Lookee here, I'm the dick that's gonna try to kill you, you ugly, stupid bitch, so what ya gonna do about it?"

"Anything else Sam?"

"Yeah. Which leads us here, with you suffering from severe freak-out mode and me suffering from gotta find the stupid hex bag because of my dumb ass brother so I can save him mode!"

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

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**Thanks for reading! :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Happy Sunday to all ! Here is another chapter for you to peruse. I hope you enjoy and keep those comments and reviews coming, you have no idea how absolutely fabulous they are to receive. Thank you so much! :)**

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**Backfire**

"We should make sure no one is hurt Dean."

"Just a fender bender dude."

"I know but we should check."

"Yeah, okay Sammy, you're right. Someone may have chipped a nail."

"Hilarious man."

"Yup, that's me. Okay, you check the truck, I'll check the car."

"So I'll check the vehicle with the dude in it, you check the car with the woman in it. Right?"

"Damsel in distress Sammy, you know I can't resist."

"Yeah." (giggle)

"Deal. Let the good samaritan charm and concern begin."

"You really are a smart ass aren't you?"

"100% little brother! Okay, here I go."

(thunk)

"Dean? You alright?"

"Wha? What happened?"

"How do you feel?"

"Huh. Weird."

"What do you mean, weird?"

"You know those cartoons?"

"Um, need to elaborate man."

"When the character gets knocked down?"

"Okay, with you so far dude."

"And there is a ring around them? Of chirping birds and stars?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"That's me." (groan) "What were we chasing? Can't remember. Didn't even see it. You okay Sammy?"

"Yeah, I'm fine bro, I'm fine."

"Good. Okay, time to get this show on the road."

"Whoa, hang on Dean. Don't get up yet."

"Huh. Feel kinda wobbly. Fuzzy. Frick! Hit my head again?"

"Well, more like you collapsed to the pavement and your head broke the fall, it connected with the ground pretty good dude."

"That why I can't remember what happened?"

"Pretty sure."

"So? C'mon Sammy, sometime today bro. What happened?"

"Good samaritan plan? Damsel in distress?"

"Ah. Right. Yeah. And?"

"Backfired. Majorly."

"My head is giving me that idea. Was it bad? More than just a broken nail?"

"No, not really."

"Worse? It looked minor. Did they get hurt?"

"Relax man, the only one hurt around here is you."

"Man, my head is killing me. How did I end up getting my noggin scrambled? Again?"

"It seems to come easy to you Dean. Dude in truck. Woman in car."

"Uh huh. And?"

"You were jogging to the car, to investigate the woman in distress, but you had to pass the truck to get there."

"Sam, my head is pounding dude. Could you just cut to the chase please? Spit it out already?"

"Right, sorry. Well, just as you were passing the truck the dude inside opened his door."

"What?"

"BLAM! You connect with the door, you go down for the count."

"A fricken, god damn door! Christ, why does this shit always happen to me?"

"I dunno man."

"Un-fricken-believable!"

"Yeah."

"So where are they? Is the chick at least hot Sammy? She can kiss my boo-boos all better."

(wink)

"Um..."

"Where?"

"Gone."

"Gone?"

"Yup."

"Both of them?"

"Yup."

"So what? I get creamed by some asshole and they just leave me laying on the side of the god damn road?"

"Pretty much."

"Of all the selfish, friggin, f-d up, son of a bitch things to do!"

"Calm down Dean. Uh, I told them to go man. You've been out of it for a bit. And if it helps any the dude really feels terrible about the whole thing."

"Wow! Just like that my headache is gone! Because this loser feels terrible! Great. Lovely. How sweet. I'm all warm and toasty on the inside."

"Dean, he really felt bad."

"Whatever. And the chick?"

"Hot, definitely hot."

"Abso-freakin-perfect. Did she give a rat's ass about me?"

"Well..."

"Out with it Sammy."

"She asked me out."

"You?"

"Yeah."

"So you were canoodling with her while I laid here like some kind of beached whale? Albeit a highly attractive and well-toned one, but still..."

"Of course not, I only flirted with her for a couple minutes and she gave me her number."

"Perfect. That makes me feel soooooo much better. Bitch."

"Like I said bro. Damsel in distress? Good samaritan plan? Totally backfired on you dude."

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

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**Thanks for reading! :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello again! Here you go! Another chapter! Hope you like! :)**

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**Life's a Ditch**

(door opens)

"Dude! It's about time, where have you been?"

"Um..."

"What the hell Dean? You are soaked!"

"It's raining out Sam."

"Duh, yeah, I can see that. I do have eyes."

"That's good. Eyes are good."

"Where's the car?"

"Huh?"

"The car Dean. Where's the car?"

"Ditch."

"Ditch?"

"Is there an echo in here?"

"Jesus Dean, you are like ice! How long have you been out there in that?"

"I'm good Sammy, don't feel anything."

"That's because you are completely numb! We need to warm you up. C'mon."

"Where?"

"Come inside Dean. You need to get some dry clothes on."

"Oh. Okay. Yeah, then I can get back out there, gotta find the car."

"The car? It's in the ditch Dean. You can't go back out tonight."

"Have to. Gotta save my baby. She'll get mad."

(sigh)

"Are you hurt?"

"I'm fine."

"Right. Well, you have a nice bump on your head."

"Really?"

"Yup. Do you remember how you got that?"

"Yes. Um. No. I told you. Wait, yeah, she must have been pissed off, she used the steering wheel to tell me."

"Oh..kay. So, you hit your head on the steering wheel?"

"Is that what happened?"

"I don't know! I'm asking you Dean!"

"Sure, that sounds right."

"And then you walked?"

"Where?"

"Back here? You walked?"

"Not sure. No. I think, it felt more like floating. Yeah, that's it, I think I floated back."

"You floated?"

"Damn, there's that echo again. Don't you hear it Sam?"

"What do you mean you floated?"

"Well, couldn't drive. Remember, the car is in the ditch. Are you having trouble Sam?"

(sigh)

"Why didn't you call me Dean?"

"Why would I call you Dean?"

(huge, huge sigh)

"Why didn't you call me?"

"Cuz. It wasn't the good kind of floating Sam."

"Okay, Dean? Listen. I am pretty sure you actually walked here."

"Whatever you say Sammy."

"Good. But why didn't you call me to tell me you were in the ditch?"

"Then you'd get all wet too."

(sigh)

"So let me get this straight. The car is in the ditch."

"Yeah."

"You cracked your head on the steering wheel but, instead of calling me for help, you left the car and walked, or floated, or whatever, back to the motel."

"Yeah."

"And you didn't want to call me because you were worried I would get wet?"

"Yeah."

"Because you always have to protect me? From everything? Even from the rain?"

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

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**As always, thanks for reading! :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello All ! Okay, here is Chapter #10 and this might be the last one for a little while. My brain is fried which you will probably be able to tell for yourselves when you read this, it's a little bit 'different'. Thank you for reading and for leaving me a comment or two. Please, those reviews are like gold so if you are so inclined, please let me know what you think, I would really appreciate it!**

**And... a special note to gr8read... thanks for the pressure and motivation, maybe I will make it to 100 at some point! :)**

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**A Thorn In The Side... And Other Places**

"Hurry up! Sammy, the fricken thing is gaining on me!"

"I'm coming, just, just run faster!"

"Huh, right. Thanks Sam, great advice!"

"Dean! Watch out!"

(crash)

"Son of a bitch! What the hell?"

"Dean!"

"Get.. off.. OF... ME!"

"DEAN!"

"Sammy! Shoot the fricken thing!"

"Yeah, got it, almost there!"

"SHIT!"

(inhuman scream)

"Son of a bitch! What the hell? Come on! Give me a break already!"

"Relax bro, it's dead. It's dead Dean!"

"Yes, thank you Sherlock, great detecting you got going on there! Notice anything else?"

"Okay, so, I can detect that the charm and gratitude is still at its usual level."

"Not in the mood Sam. I am so not in the mood."

"Yeah, I get it. You okay?"

"Do I look okay?" (glare)

"Huh, well, I gotta hand it to you man, this is definitely a new one. Ouch. Now that has got to hurt."

"Once again, your powers of deduction are truly unmatched in the history of deduction-ness."

"Well, silver lining, at least you managed to protect your head. That would have been really, really bad."

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Just please, help me get up. It may be hard to tell but, iin case you were wondering, this is not comfortable damn it!"

"Okay man. On three. One. Two..." (pull)

"Mother of a son of a bitch!"

(pant) (pant)

"How do you feel?"

"Cripes Sammy, ask stupid questions much? I feel exactly how it looks like I feel. Like some kinda freaky human pincushion!"

"Turn around, let me see."

(turn)

"There aren't that many to get out Dean."

"And just how many are not that many Sam?"

"Um... "

"Yeah, just like I thought."

"Can you walk back to the car?"

"As opposed to what? Should I just wish myself over there? Should I fly? Maybe I could twitch my nose and magic-fy my pincushioned body back?"

"Okay, okay, grumpy pants."

(sigh)

"Look Sam, I'm sorry but for shit's sake! How come all this could never happen in a million years, random and crazy bullshit picks me? It's like you've said before, I got some kinda tattoo blazed across my forehead, or, hey, I know, maybe it's an arrow, constantly pointing at me. A marker that guides every weird, unbelievable situation straight to me and then it latches on and waits for the show to start. It's starting to drive me mad!"

"Yeah, I think you are losing it a bit man. I hear ya bro, I do, you do seem to be a magnet to all this weird and wacky shit but it's just bad luck, nothing more than that."

"Yeah, right. I guess."

"Okay, so why don't we get outta here so we can take care of this latest plague that has befallen you?"

"Wow, you are such a bitch Sam." (giggle)

"I do what I can jerk."

"Huh."

"What?"

"Just thinking. Maybe you should take them out here?"

"No, bad idea. We need to have alcohol and clean towels, you know, to prevent any infections. You do have probably a hundred of those stuck into you man. Don't want to take any chances."

"Well that is very sound and logical advice Sammy, however..."

"Yeah? What Dean?"

"In my current puncture ridden condition how exactly to you propose I sit in the car?"

"We'll figure it out man. But I can tell you one thing."

"What's that?"

"You are in no condition to drive."

"Hilarious Sammy. I'd slap my knee to emphasize my sarcasm but I don't think I can move much right now."

"No need, I can detect your sarcasm just fine. Let's go."

(arrive at car)

"You have got to be kidding me!"

"It's the only way Dean."

"Fan-freakin-tastic."

"Okay, get in, the sooner we go the sooner I can take the tweezers to ya."

"That sounds just plain wrong on so many different levels man."

"Yeah, I know, just lay down and it'll all be over soon."

"So here I am, Dean Winchester, hunter of evil, romeo to the ladies, protector of Sammy..."

"Quit stalling and get in."

"... reduced to having to ride in the backseat, face down, spread eagle, with my god damn boots sticking out the window, in a fog of embarrassment and shame. And why I ask? Not because of being wounded from a vicious blow from the prey I had hunted. No. That would be too noble. That would be..."

"Look Dean, I'll tell you why to speed this whole thing up. Because that's what happens when you find yourself thrown into a battle with a cactus. And lose."

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Hi everyone! I hope you enjoy this silly, silly, silly little adventure. Let me know what you think if you would like, reviews are always great! :)**

* * *

"Oh forget it, Sam, I'll go. Wuss."

"We should wait, get a ladder or something."

"You, and your goody two shoes-ness, are the one who thought we should help so this is me... Helping!"

"I have got a bad feeling about this dude."

"Oh for the love of... what the hell could possibly go wrong? It just a tree!"

"Are you serious? When do things NOT go wrong?"

"Look Sam, we can get the thing out of the damn tree and be heroes just like those kiss-ass firemen, so help me up and we can take 'em down a notch."

"So you are competing with firemen now? Uh, huh, but still, since when do you give a shit?"

"Sam...shhhh... there are small ears listening. And look, she has that same puppy-dog eye look as you. So how can I resist? We'll get Boots out of the tree safe and sound! Right Sam?"

"Yeah, yeah.. okay, I just hope it doesn't rain or you might dissolve from all of your sugary sweetness." (snicker) "I'll boost you."

"One..two...three..."

(woosh)

"Are you good? Got a grip?"

"Yeah, 'm good. Me and the tree are as one."

(chuckle)

"Whatever man, just get 'Boots' and get your ass down okay?"

"Huh."

"What, what are you doing?"

"Do you hear that? Sounds like..."

"What?"

"Shit! Buzzing! For Christ Sakes! There is a god damned, fricken, son of a bitch, unbelievably HUGE nest right here! Shit, I think Boots pissed them off!"

"Just grab the cat and get the hell down!"

"Yeah, thanks, wow, it's a good thing you're here to advise me on these matters. YOU THINK?"

"Dean! Hurry up! You are agitating them!"

"Frick!"

"Here they come!"

"Gotcha you god damn furry piece of crap!"

"Dean?"

"Ugh! Frick! Stop...stinging me... Bastards!"

"Catch it Sam!"

(toss)

"Got it, now get the hell down!"

"Duh."

(snap) (thud)

"Shit. Dean? You okay?"

"Ummmm..."

"Dude, say something man."

"Why does the entire universe hate...me?"

"Maybe the universe thinks it's a no-no to diss firemen. But look on the bright side. Boots is safe and a little girl is happy. And it's all because of you hero Dean."

"Whoopy-fricken-doo."

(chuckle)

"Just so I'm clear, even when you do something totally unselfish, like for some random, sad little girl, you STILL manage to get your ass kicked? But man... it's unbelievable... You, Dean, just got whooped by BEES! BEES DUDE! That's on an entirely new level. Even for you!"

(chuckle)

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

* * *

**Thanks for reading!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Welcome back everyone for another edition of Dean's ever present lack of luck. Well, lack of good luck that is. As always I hope that you enjoy and I would love to hear what you think! Until next time... :)**

* * *

"Dean? God, I'm sorry man. I... are you okay?"

"Huh? Yeah 'm good."

"Right, I don't think so."

"Relax, just need to catch my breath bro."

"Uh huh. I am so not believing you right now dude."

"Then why'd you ask?"

"Well, you know, isn't this just the usual dance we do?"

"Yeah."

"Seriously Dean, I'm sorry."

"S'okay Sammy. Job hazard." (giggle)

"Can you get up?"

"Give me a minute."

"It's been 10 already dude."

"Just one more damn minute Sam! Shit..."

"Hospital? You could have a broken rib."

"No."

"Sure?"

"C'mon Sam, like you said, isn't this just the usual dance we do?"

(sigh)

"Yeah."

"Hey Sam?"

"Yeah bro?"

"Do I look dead to you?"

"Ummm... is this a trick question?"

"Am I transparent?"

"What? Are you sure you're feeling okay man?"

"I'm fine dude."

(eye roll)

"Right, of course you are."

"Did you see me float around?"

"Oh, I think you are definitely floating right now Dean."

"What?"

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh you know, I figure I must look dead or you can see through me, or..."

(sigh)

"Look Dean..."

"I mean that's the only possible explanation right?"

"Dean, I don't know what to say other than I am sorry!"

"Imagine my surprise, the shock of it all..."

"Look man, it was reflexes. You startled me!"

"Oh, so it's my fault? Well your damn reflexes just about killed me!"

"I know. But c'mon, it's not like I did it on purpose."

"Yeah, I know Sammy, but next time I get to carry the damn crowbar."

"Deal."

"Son of a bitch, you really clocked me good."

"Yeah, well, I thought you were a spirit ready to unleash your evil mojo shit on me."

"You know it's not like this was our first hunt Sam. We always sneak around when there are dead sons of bitches lurking around."

"I don't know what happened."

"It's okay Sammy, at least we killed the mother in the end."

(sigh)

"Ready?"

"Yeah, let's get the hell out of here."

"Okay."

"Maybe some day."

"Some day what Dean?"

"I will come out of a hunt in one fricken piece...Damn it!"

"I gotcha bro, c'mon. Huh, I wonder if you are one of those people."

"Hmm?"

"You know the saying man, if you didn't have bad luck you would have no luck at all."

(scoff)

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

* * *

**TBC... Thanks for reading! **


	13. Chapter 13

**Howdy! I'm back with another bizarre situation that Dean finds himself entangled in. Another silly little tale, I hope you may find a chuckle out of it. Thanks again for reading and keep those reviews coming, I love to hear what you think! :)**

* * *

"We should go."

"Aw, c'mon Sam, I bet I can get one more game out of this sucker."

"He looks mighty pissed off bro."

"Who cares. I didn't force him to play. He can quit any time he wants."

"Are you sure you haven't been goading him just a bit Dean?"

"What? That kinda hurts man."

"Sure it does. Sorry for offending you." (scoff)

"S'okay, I'll live. It's just I prefer to call it like I see it. You know, tell the guy the truth. Hell, if you can find a barn somewhere we can go and test my theory out. I'll even apologize if he manages to hit it."

"See? That's my point. Goading Dean. Not a good thing to do with Paul Bunyan over there."

"Huh, good one. Hey! Paul Bunyan!"

"Not helping Dean. Really, not helping."

"Look Sammy, we need the money and this dufus just keeps on supplying it. It ain't my fault he can't take a joke or throw worth a shit or that he keeps LOSING!"

"Okay, correction. He is beyond pissed off."

"Yeah, he kinda looks mad. You should be more sensitive Sammy, I think it was your Paul Bunyan comment that put him over the edge."

"Uh huh. Let's just call it a night okay? Before Paul tries to chop you down?"

"Huh, another good one. Yeah, okay Sammy. My hand was starting to cramp up anyways."

"Goodnight Paul! Thanks for the pay cheque."

"Have I mentioned that is not helping? Okay, leaving now Dean."

"Right behind you dude."

"So I was researching our next job and it looks like there's a..."

(gasp)

"Shit!"

"Dean?"

(woosh)

"Son of a bitch!"

"What the hell Dean? Woah... look out!"

(woosh)

"Damn it! Paul has flipped."

"Move Dean, now!"

"Okay! Okay!"

(thud)

"Good thing for the door dude, that one was aimed at your head!"

* * *

"Just stay still man... one... two..."

(hiss)

"Christ! Unbelievable man!"

"I hear ya, this is another new one." (chuckle) "I think you could write a book."

"Yup, Chapter 20, Dean is stabbed in the back. Stabbed in the fricken back Sammy!"

"Well, it's not the first time."

"Yeah but... with god damn DARTS dude?"

(snicker)

"Well, I guess this shoots your barn theory all to hell hey Dean?"

"Yeah, looks like, but I prefer to call it horseshoe up the ass luck."

"Sure. Maybe there is a lesson to be learned here though?"

"Such as?"

"How about, oh I don't know, nothing good can come from pissing someone off while they hold implements of pain?"

"But Sammy, that would take away all the joy in my life."

"And that sort of logic is exactly the reason I am once again patching you up. Face it Dean, you just never learn."

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

* * *

**TBC... Thanks again for taking a look!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hello again! Here is a short little chapter for you to have a look at. Thanks so much for reading, I hope as always you get maybe one little chuckle out of this latest adventure into Dean's world of hurt. Thanks again and reviews are most welcome! :)**

* * *

"Why don't you ever listen to me?"

"What? Did you hear something? Is someone talking to me?"

"HA, Ha, Ha... very funny... NOT!"

"Look Samantha, what is the big deal?"

"Hmm, let's see. I recall saying 'Dean, just wait for me, I will be right there.'"

"You were too slow and the guy was gettin' away."

(sigh)

"You're hot."

"Hey, hands off man, I ain't into guys."

"You are really burning up dude."

"Yeah, I know, that's what she said." (giggle)

"You have a big time fever Dean."

"Huh, maybe you should check?"

"What?"

"A fever?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Of 103?"

"Hilarious. Sit your ass down before you fall down."

"But we... weren't we supposed to do something? Go somewhere? Get the bad guy?"

"Not anymore man, it's taken care of. We got the bad guy."

"Woah. Stop moving Sammy. I don't like rides."

(sigh)

"I'm not moving Dean."

"Uh, yeah, you definitely are dude."

(thud)

"See? Told ya to sit down before you fell down."

"Huh, S'my? I think maybe I should sit down now?"

"Yeah, okay Captain Obvious."

"My face hurts."

"It's called road rash man."

"From what? How?"

"Well, try to follow along. I'd have to go out on a limb and say from your face being dragged along the road!"

"Sheesh! Chill man! Bitchy much? Who has donned the Captain Obvious cape now? Huh?"

"Whatever, just sit here and let me clean it."

(blink. hiss. blink.)

"I guess I shoulda listened to you and waited hey S'my?"

"Shoulda but couldn't. Just had to attach yourself to that damn car instead of waiting for me to pick you up in the Impala. It would have taken five seconds dude!"

"So, he got away?"

"Nah, he crashed."

"He did?"

"Yeah..." Pause. "...thanks to you attacking him through the damn window!"

"So what you are sayin' is that I saved the day?"

(sigh)

"Yup, at the cost of your pretty, pretty face."

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

* * *

**TBC... Thanks again for reading! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Hey everyone! I just felt like writing something and this is what popped into my brain and five minutes later...Voila! I hope you may get a small giggle or chuckle from this latest mis-adventure. Thanks as always for reading. :)**

* * *

"Unbelievable."

"Yeah."

"That's it, i'm done."

"With?"

"Unless there is a zombie or a ghost or a demon involved I ain't helpin"

"Aw, c'mon, she was confused, she thought you were the bad guy. She just got lucky, caught you by surprise."

"Yeah, but wasn't she like 100?"

"No man, more like 80." (giggle)

"Thank God, that makes this so much less humiliating."

"She got ya good, you are definitely gonna have a mark there."

"Awesome."

"Ready to get up now?"

"No."

"C'mon dude, up and at 'em, maybe we can find something evil for you to kill. You know that always makes you feel better."

"Ugh, taken out by an old lady."

"Well, to be fair, she did have a cane."

"Yeah... she okay?"

"Shook up but fine. I think you are her new hero."

"Perfect. Now I can die happy."

"Well, at least she got her purse back. Thanks to you."

"Yeah. I guess.

"Just think, you helped a little old lady. Admit it, you are just a big softie."

"Whatever bro. All I know is I am through, this is the last time dude."

"Not buying the act man."

"Well, maybe she and others like her will learn to use their sticks of pain for good and not evil cuz I won't be around to help next time!"

"Nice try dude but you and I both know you will do it again, you just can't resist helping those damsels in distress."

(sigh)

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

* * *

**TBC.. Thanks for taking a look!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hello again, just having a bit more fun at Dean's expense, I guess it's just what I do :) I hope you enjoy and I would love to hear what you think about this little ditty or any of the other chapters. Thanks for having a look! :)**

* * *

"Another one bites the dust hey Sammy?"

"Yeah, another notch on your belt and another crack in your skull."

"I mean, it's awesome right? Another evil son of a bitch sent back to Hell."

"How's your head?"

"Fine."

"Uh-huh."

"Don't you just love it Sam? The smell of burning bastard bones in the night air?"

"Okay man, time to go, you always get a bit loopy after being smacked around like a ragdoll."

"Yeah. Right. So, uh, which way dude?"

"Are you okay? Your eyes look a little glassy."

"I'm good. I'm good. Just a bit foggy, damn smoke got in my eyes."

"Right, sure Dean, whatever you say. You better just stay close and follow me okay?"

"Sounds good S'my. Lead the way bro."

(thud)

"Dean? Okay man, better let me help, you are all over the place."

"M'fine Sam, just tripped over a damn root or something."

"Sorry, that is a pretty lame excuse even for you."

"What? I can't be responsible for what happens when the damn vegetation decides to attack me!"

"Okay, whatever, but you need to watch your step. Remember, this guy had a thing for traps."

"Oh, right. Forgot. Thanks Sam, I'll be careful. Um, give me a hand? Can't seem to get up."

"Just lean on me man, we're almost at the car."

"Oh yeah, can't wait to get behind the wheel of my baby and put this pile of shit in the rear view mirror."

"Um, sorry dude but there is no way that you are the one that's driving us out of here."

"Oh yeah, just watch me!"

"Wait! Dean! Stop!"

"Ha! Whoever gets to the car first gets to...ahhhhhhhhhhh!"

(sigh)

"DEAN!"

"Shit."

"You okay? Are you hurt? Talk to me!"

"Peachy fricken keen!"

"Just. God. Why don't you ever listen to me?"

"Don't feel so good Sammy. Can you get me out now please?"

"Yeah, yeah of course. Be right back."

"K."

"Dean?"

"S'my?"

"Still with me?"

"Hmmm?"

"I'm tossing down the rope to ya now."

"S'my? What happened?"

"You got clocked in the head by Mr. Bones over there..."

"Yeah."

"...and then fell into one of his traps, the ones I warned you about."

"But. Why me? We were together right?"

"We were, until you decided that you would sprint to the car and risk life and limb rather than let me drive!"

"Yeah, that sounds like me."

* * *

**TBC...Thanks as always for having a look! **


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